This life was not the one I ordered, so I’d like to return it, please.
Really, I’ve tried it on, I’ve given it a test run and I’m afraid it just doesn’t suit me, so can I have it replaced with the one I originally asked for, please?
What do you mean it looks the same? It’s the complete opposite. What’s wrong with you?
Look, here’s what I ordered:
1. Nice, comfortable, balanced life. The odd turmoil but nothing too drastic. No emotional problems, no physical hardships, no major disruptions during my path to becoming a Child Psychologist (or rock star).
2. One happy marriage, after a gorgeous wedding in my mid-twenties, two kids, a cat, and two cars.
3. Great hair, average height, average weight, walks easily in heels.
Here’s what I got:
1 Life with longstanding, major Depression, anxiety, death of a parent when I was 6 years old, empathy. A mild form of spina bifida, lost path when I discovered drinking and boys, and years of dead-end jobs and poverty.
2. Late marriage in my forties, no children — despite desperately wanting them, two dogs and two cats.
3. Flat, dull hair, short, overweight, has even sprained my ankle in bare feet.
So. As you can see. This is not how things were meant to go.
What do you mean there’s no guarantee?
What do you mean I can’t return this life?
What do you mean I look happy anyway?
Well…I am happy. Now. but that’s not because of your product. That’s because when I reached my mid-forties I decided I was going to be happy.
I decided that all the crap that came in my past wasn’t going to kill me, that I’d survived this long so I was going to survive a bit longer.
But not only survive, but also thrive, actively be who I want to be, without letting anyone else tell me who I am or who I should be.
I’m happy because I’ve worked fucking hard to be.
That’s not because of your product.
Ok. Fine. I give up. I guess I’m stuck with this life now. Well, just so you know:
Your product may be faulty but I can make it work. I have the skills, the experience, the sheer determination.
I have help, from my peers, from my teachers, from my deity, from my own intuition.
I’ve survived this far and I will survive tomorrow and I will survive the day after that.
And what’s more is…I’m going to help other people do the same. You won’t take our crappy lives back? Fine. We’ll take the crap and turn it into magic.
So there.
